- Reverend Lovejoy對創造論的讚嘆
- 一個基督徒對I got beaten by athiests!民主黨人關了我25年！的心得
經由他的胡言亂語，達爾文不斷努力誘惑科學家們到演化論的黑暗陣營，also nicknamed Evilution。儘管這對創造論者及有幾千年歷史的創造論造成了打擊，它們依然在20世紀〈以及那之後〉想辦法取得了支援。創造論者宣稱縣在有越來越多的科學家已經發現了相信達爾文的Evilution是個錯誤的決定。Captain Obvious曾經使用了他的數學技巧並且發現因被欺騙而相信演化論的科學家以及相信正確的創造論的科學家，比例為1：0.000963。因此他推論，隨著世界人口的增長，創造論者的數量也隨之增加。創造論者藉由了這個發現來證明，越來越多受教育者選擇相信這個理論了。
- Divine Messenger Connie Morris, Kansas State Bored of Edjewkayshun: 「我們的目的是寫下一個準則，清楚給予教育者權利以及責任告訴我們的小孩「有智能」的事實，就是上帝花了七天創造世界，獅子曾經只吃植物，而且所有的黑人都是兩個裸體白人的後代。你知道，這很明顯是正確的。沒有人可以反駁它，除了理性…而它已經沒有人在使用了。」
Arguments for Creation[編輯]
|THIS IS WHAT AN "EMINENT" CREATIONIST ACTUALLY SAID!|
「Although there are scientific reasons for accepting a young earth, I am a young-age creationist because that is my understanding of the Scripture. As I shared with my professors years ago when I was in college, if all the evidence in the universe turned against creationism, I would be the first to admit it, but I would still be a creationist because that is what the Word of God seems to indicate. Here I must stand.」
- Young Earth Creationist Kurt Wise
~ "Creationists are the only group in the world that can be wrong on ALL accounts of ALL problems in virtually ALL areas they touch pretty much ALL over the planet ALL the time. They are in fact the only proof against evolution."
~ Random irrelevant smart guy met on the street.
- The "just look around you" argument:
- This argument is articulated as follows: Look around at the trees and other wonderful-looking organisms. How could living things of such great complexity come from? Even modern technology cannot recreate such wonderful diversity of life! The false theory Evolution states that everything evolved by random mutation over many millions of years, which is way too long for a six thousand and ten year-old universe and is obviously not true. Therefore, God exists and God made it all. Bible says it, you believe it, and that's that. Also, it must have been my God, and not whatever crap pagan idol you worship, because clearly, only my real god could have created it. What? No, an all-powerful God could not have made the world using evolution, it'd be so borring, he'd get tired of waiting! Besides, the Bible interpretation I was imagining is way cooler. So I know it happened in 7 days.
(Note: This argument doesn't work if the opposing person is in the Netherlands, because that's, after all, made by the Dutch.)
- The Bible (Wholly Babbleus), and perhaps the Qu'ran as well:
- The strongest, most powerful argument that Creationists use against Evolutionists, leaving the latter speechless: God clearly says in the Holy Bible that he CREATED the world. In fact (and everything in the Bible is a fact, I just know it) it clearly states it twice, with things happening differently each time (Gen 1 & 2)... and since everything in it is absolutely and totally true this means that both versions happened, simultaneously. Do not argue, remove the Unholy Faith Blindfold that Satan has given you and embrace the wonderful idea of
unsupported beliefFaith. The Bible is the Word of God, and thus using logic it is impossible for Science to contradict what the Book of Genesis said about how the world originated! Therefore Creation Science is the true Scientific theory. Also, a human woman's body is composed of a material evolved (Note: It is Micro-evolution NOT Macro-evolution) from an early man's rib bone.
- The No way did I come from a dirty stinkin' monkey argument (eeeeewwwus ickyus):
- Monkeys are literally dirty stinking apes that throw feces at each other and have totally immoral sexual relations with their neighbor's wives that are an affront to traditional Christian values. They also have poor hygiene and never go to church, and Scientists have found out that some of them engage in homosexual acts too. The religion of evolution says that we have a common ancestor with these horrible smelly apes. That clearly isn't true - because we find the idea absolutely disgusting. If we find the idea disgusting, we cannot have come from monkeys, therefore evolution is wrong, therefore God created us out of clay and fairy dust.
- I don't understand evolution, therefore it's wrong:
- 'Everything coming from nothing! It's lightening striking a mud puddle! I've been randomly mutated! Huh? The messed up version of evolution fed to me by Creationist propaganda, makes no sense to me! GOD MUST BE REAL!!!' When a creationist is faced with a challenging situation, their immediate instinct is to shout 'Gawd did it!'. This instinct is NOT an example of new information. It was caused when the DNA responsible for installing the ability to think critically was altered by God, because we all know stuff NEVER changes by itself. Ah change, what a ridiculous notion!
- The What About The Fall argument:
- It totally doesn't make sense for us to have, like, fallen if there was evolution. After all, we just have wars, genocide, sickness, cruelty and all that stuff--you'd have to be an idiot to think that any of that matters if evolution is real. It only counts in Creationism and stuff. It wouldn't be bad without it. Remember, Adam and Eve did eat the fruit that allowed humanity to know good and evil (And thus reason severely undermined faith), so it has to be true that we descended from ONE HUMAN COUPLE created by God.
- The Where is the Missing Link argument (missingno linkii):
- If birds came from dinosaurs and cats from dogs and LSD from mushrooms, why don't we see any fossils of dinosaurs with half developed wings, or meowing dogs, or mushrooms metamorphosing into tabs of acid, huh? Since there are only several hundred thousand links in the fossil record, all evolution theory must be a load of crap, which means literal creationism must be the absolute truth. Creationism demands complete evidence in order for any alternative theories to be true. Don't you know that to solve a murder case, one requires a witness to take down a video footage of the entire event in clear, high definition format, as well as the admissions of several other witnesses witnessing the witness taking the video without altering it? Don't state "Because not everything forms a fossil" like the secular atheist you are.
- The "Law of Entropy" Argument (Legus entropidius)
- The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that shit gets shittier as time progresses. However, evolution postulates that shit starts off shitty and then gets less and less shitty. For this to happen, there would have to be some kind of giant ball of flaming gas supplying the earth with warmth and an imaginary phenomenon we'll call "flaming gas"-light, and this is just ridiculous.
- The "Bad Radiometric Dating" Argument (Strawmaniac argumentis)
- The oldest tree on earth is only a few thousand years old. This hands down proves creationism, because there should be older trees if Evolution is true about the age of the Earth being billions of years old. As for those fossils which are supposedly millions of years old, the Evolutionists are wrong. Therefore it is a fact that 99% of scientists are wrong - Their radiometric dating methods are wrong and vastly inaccurate. Fact is that Man and Dinosaurs walked together before! Fact is that Dinosaurs are too big to get into Noah's Ark that's why they perished. Now, DO NOT QUESTION God why he did not command Noah to build a bigger one.
- The "Jesus Loves You" Argument (Liikus Dudio)
- I know you're all educated people and you know way more about my religion than me, but I read the Bible and nothing you ever say can convince me to believe your crazy theories about not needing any supernatural events for our origins. I can, like, feel God in my heart and you can too, so shut up. Just give your heart to Jesus and he'll save you from eternal fire and shit. Yeah. But don't take my word for it. The Young Earth Creationist, Kurt Wise, says the same thing too, as seen above.
- The "Banana-Rectum" Argument (Bananus anus)
- The banana is atheist's worst nightmare, its ease of use, nutritional value and colour-coding means it is just right for
primateshumans to eat and put in your hiney. The banana is shaped correctly, and has a protective outer sheath to ensure firmness easy insertion. Obviously the banana is intelligently designed.
Scientific Basis of Creationism[編輯]
Although on the surface Creationism may promote itself as an alternative explanation of origins, challenging the established fact of Evolutionism, the underlying myth of Creationism, in fact, lies not in the need to oppose the entire modern world, as such, but in the fact that Evolutionary Religion is the cause of all modern evils, including abortion, kitten huffing, contraception, fascism, communism, homosexuality, beastiality, masturbation, fetishism, oral sex, anal sex, aural sex, sex, bad gas, global warming, global whining, taxes, nasal sex, sexual fantasies, penis enlargement, rape, disease, politics, explosions, death, pestilence, children, science, Wikipedia, famine, The Fratellis, lawsuits,Linkin Park, civil rights, niggers, pot, public education, America, welfare, enviro-nazis, child welfare, tariffs, ethics reform, medicare, medicaid, dissenters, immigrants, social security, war, Watergate, Uncyclopedia, taxes, metrosexuality, hurricanes, blizzards, tornadoes, Carrot Top, floods, terrorism, camel toe and tooth decay. In other words, the ultimate proof that Creationism is true lies not in the cumbersome and irrelevant need to follow the methods of scientific inquiry, but the plainly observable fact that the Theory of Evolution, by fervently and humbly believing that humans come from lowly apes (instead of holy dust and dirt) and are thus not some deity's prized creation, which therefore makes everything atheistic and insiduously relativistic, is the direct cause of the modern day prevalence of all that stuff listed above. All of which are not nice and scientifically condemned by God. Which makes mythical creationism, which nobly speaks against these evils, of necessity a true and worthy science.
Remember, of course, that murder and mayhem in the modern world are the fault of secular humanism and its red-headed stepchild, evolution. Murder and mayhem in the old world are in no way the fault of the Bible, as it's clearly against those things. Except when it's for them (i.e The Crusades)... but those don't count when God says it's okay. Don't believe it? Read about God and friends' various acts of genocide and rape in the Old Testament.
Look, everybody knows that evolution happens, whatever it is. It's just on a really, really tiny unthreatening scale that never amounts to anything. I mean, for thousands of years, mammals have been interbreeding, but what has ever "evolved" from mammals: just more mammals! Ok, maybe fruit flies have speciated, but the new species still look like they were descended from fruit flies and not gerbils, so there.
When a parrot gives birth to an otter, then evolution may be true. Maybe. Probably not. Okay, no, not even then. Unless it matches up exactly with wholly reliable Scripture, then it's wrong.
Scientific Evidence for Creation[編輯]
Evolutionists have often claimed that there is a resemblance between other creatures and humans, such as bilateral symmetry, which proves evolution. If however a human stands with legs apart and arms outstretched, with the head erect, there is also a five sided symmetry apparent. This could lead to the conclusion that humans were actually designed on the same pattern as echinoderms, the group which includes the sea stars and, more importantly the sea cucumbers. The evidence for this is clear when one considers the five-toothed sea cucumber, Actinopygia agassizi. This animal has five teeth arranged in a circle, but instead of being at the mouth end they are placed in the anus, where food is chewed. It also breathes through its anus, and if threatened it will expel its innards though the anus. Furthermore there is a symbiotic species known as the pearlfish, Carapus bermudensis, which lives in the anus, periodically exiting and retreating. It is obvious to even the most amateur investigator that the entire existence of the five-toothed sea cucumber revolves around it being an asshole, which perfectly describes a creationist.
List of Truths in the Theory of Creationism[編輯]
- We are human
- Monkeys arent human
- Therefore, Evolution is wrong
- Creationists have an amazing ability to continue an argument with no real evidence and knowledge. After all, who needs evidence or knowledge, both are of the Devil and must be avoided.
- Creationists know Ice Cream is a lifeform and frequently use it to prove that Evolution isn't real.
- 100% of all female creationists are believed to be made entirely of rib bones.
- Apparently, penguins used to live within walking distance of Noah's house.
- Your average Creationist would rather throw themselves into the pit of Hell, than look up 'evolution' in dictionary, let alone learn something about the subject.
- Many so called "Evolutionists" (read Scientists) believe that creationists refuse to accept the unproven (ignoring all the proof thats not sanctioned by the bible of course) theory of evolution, because it appears to not apply to them. Many display behavioral and physical characteristics similar to less evolved hominids. Such as lower intelligence, thicker skulls and sunken eye sockets. This however is clearly untrue as by scientifically adding all the ages in the bible we can clearly see that evolution doesn't occur therefore one human cannot be more or less evolved than another. QED
- It is still to explain, how from the intelligent and wise Homo sapiens, instead of further evolution, a regression occurred, which has produced the creationists.
- The Church of Latter Day Paint rejects Creationism as overly scientific arguing that God was not required to actively create anything because He just needs to think about stuff and it happens, man.
- Creationists are sending an expedition to Africa to disprove evolution by capturing and bringing back live Pterodactyls.
- Kangaroos originated in the Middle East.
- Geology is another science filled with lies
- People used to ride dinosaurs, back when there were dinosaurs about a thousand years ago.
- On the eighth day God created the source of all knowledge, Uncyclopedia.
- Intelligent Design
- Linguistic Creationism
- Creationist Views on Australia
- Charles Darwin University (CDU)