使用者:Linlin110/創造論

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      糟糕! 你是不是在找 創造論者的說法?
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為了混淆視聽、並照顧那些沒熱情且幽默感退化的人們,一點都不好心的維基百科有一個主題關於:[[:wkpd:{{{1}}}|{{{1}}}]]。

「我說的猴子是指古代的,不是現代的!」

- 演化論者對創造論的辯解

「嗯,看來科學又一次的在不可質疑的宗教證據前屈服了。」

- Reverend Lovejoy對創造論的讚嘆

「我相信,聖經是世界上最科學且最正確的一本書。」

- VenomFangX對創造論的信仰

「為什麼我要在第七天休息呢?為了讓它看起來更有挑戰性。」

- 上帝對創造世界過程的看法

「沒有證據證明演化論或是創造論是正確的,雖然進化論者認為前者是真的,但大家都有宗教自由,所以創造論者認為這些人都該下地獄!」

- 某人對宗教還是演化的看法

「誰信這種狗屎呀?」

- 耶穌對聖經的看法

「不管這些人從他媽的哪裡得到這些事實,這真是弱智。這些白癡無神論者不應該寫這種文章,而創造論者不應該說這句話!」

- fonebone933對對神的祈禱

「對於人類起源的解釋,像是演化論、基督教、佛教、Budwieserism、猶太教和Jediism的問題都是從來沒有確實的證據。無神論者認為他們的理論是正確的,但證據呢?基督徒認為聖經是正確的,作為一名基督徒我同意,但我們沒有事實根據證明這是對的。如果Jediism是對的,那我大概能掐死這些人。問題是,既然沒有人有確實的證據,那我們可以而且應該有選擇信仰的自由,而且不會被射殺或燒死。」

- 某個叫湯瑪斯的死小孩對偽基百科主題:創造論以及Expelled(影片)的評論

「沒有創造論者相信謊言,也沒有無神論者是智障。」

- 一個基督徒對I got beaten by athiests!民主黨人關了我25年!的心得

關於創造論[編輯]

創造論〈代名詞 愚蠢的狗屁〉是一個荼毒心靈的明顯的「理論」事實,就是上帝創造了一切事物。演化論則很明顯的是真的假的。如果你不相信創造論,那是因為你發現了真相是被誤導的異端,應該下地獄受火刑。創造論又以「泥巴男、肋骨女及會說話的蛇理論」之名為人所知。

創造論是在大幅洗腦用的開明集中營學校中,教給年輕受害者學子用的。在那裏他們可以學到忽略進步的科學有多重要並且把是上帝作的!當成一切事物的解答。他們可以被教堂裡的墮落的性騷擾者牧師和修女強姦教導。

創造論的歷史[編輯]

有些生物學家在對創造論的絕望戰鬥中,竄改畫像以求得勝利。


創造論,或者是神創論,是現存最古老的神話科學理論,而且從狗被馴養後已經受到了許多壓倒性的支援。這個理論認為人類生命以及宇宙都是被一個更高等的存在,上帝的神力〈參見:基督徒的邏輯〉所創造。創造論是世界上最合理、最有根據且最不可質疑的科學理論,由堅固的科學證據所支持。儘管如此,在1859年,因為達爾文這個沒辦法了解創造論的神經病提出了演化論,公眾以及科學界對創造論的信念受到了嚴重的極小的打擊。演化論是明顯合理而正確對神的一種褻瀆,它宣稱上帝所創造的生物是從微生物經天則自然演化了百萬年而成的。

經由他的胡言亂語,達爾文不斷努力誘惑科學家們到演化論的黑暗陣營,also nicknamed Evilution。儘管這對創造論者及有幾千年歷史的創造論造成了打擊,它們依然在20世紀〈以及那之後〉想辦法取得了支援。創造論者宣稱縣在有越來越多的科學家已經發現了相信達爾文的Evilution是個錯誤的決定。Captain Obvious曾經使用了他的數學技巧並且發現因被欺騙而相信演化論的科學家以及相信正確的創造論的科學家,比例為1:0.000963。因此他推論,隨著世界人口的增長,創造論者的數量也隨之增加。創造論者藉由了這個發現來證明,越來越多受教育者選擇相信這個理論了。

Young Earth Creationist theory 認為同位素定年法不正確、化石是在數百年內形成的〈而不是幾百萬年〉而恐龍在1865年絕種。

到了21世紀,在創造論者與那些被撒旦指揮,拒絕所謂的「盲從宗教」的演化論者之間,激烈戰鬥依然持續著。撒旦已經指示了祂的僕從,無論未知而神聖的力量〈又被稱為信仰〉如何威脅著他們的邏輯迴路,牠們都應該盲從著祂。創造論者已與其中特別凸出的惡棍,像達爾文以及史蒂芬·古爾德,這些人都教導了他們的邏輯以及對他們的盲從給受害者。創造論者知道他們沒有辦法及倒這些居住在國家科學院的超級惡棍,因此他們決定從宗教基督教是個顯著的例子〉尋求幫助。有神論者與創造論者的力量在此合流。有神論者的主要目標是阻止被洗腦的撒旦爪牙繼續盲從於撒旦。從此之後創造者就可以自由的入侵省悟者的邏輯迴路,並且清除他們那低能的演化論信仰。

直到今天,創造論者依然拒絕相信經科學證明神聖的創造論,因為它敘述人類是從有渣滓的水中演化出來,那麼以人類形象塑造的上帝也不過是渣罷了。儘管他們多次向科學家指出把人類視為由渣渣演化出來是冒犯他們的祖先,但強大的邪惡盲從依然操縱著這些科學家。這解釋了為什麼創造論者要與有神論者作政治上的合作,將阻止盲從視為他們的第一步。之後,創造論者將會進行第二步:使用他們的聖典,像是基督徒與猶太人的創世紀,以及穆斯林的可蘭經。這些書在經過正確解釋後,就是複雜〈但是有效〉的創造論科學。

Evilutiontree.jpg

Divine Messenger Connie Morris, Kansas State Bored of Edjewkayshun: 「我們的目的是寫下一個準則,清楚給予教育者權利以及責任告訴我們的小孩「有智能」的事實,就是上帝花了七天創造世界,獅子曾經只吃植物,而且所有的黑人都是兩個裸體白人的後代。你知道,這很明顯是正確的。沒有人可以反駁它,除了理性…而它已經沒有人在使用了。」

創造論的摘要[編輯]

*神說:要有光,就有了光*

Humboltzsea42.jpg

這是最新的行星創造軟體,簡單易用。我們的測試者,就是某些人所謂的上帝,只花了六天就創造了一個行星!趁還有庫存的時候趕緊搶購吧!


代替的敘述[編輯]

我不知道!全是上帝的傑作!!!

〈「我」說是「上帝」的傑作,因為我懶惰又不聰明,IQ跟阿米巴一樣的可憐蟲。〉

Arguments for Creation[編輯]

Stop hand.png THIS IS WHAT AN "EMINENT" CREATIONIST ACTUALLY SAID!

「Although there are scientific reasons for accepting a young earth, I am a young-age creationist because that is my understanding of the Scripture. As I shared with my professors years ago when I was in college, if all the evidence in the universe turned against creationism, I would be the first to admit it, but I would still be a creationist because that is what the Word of God seems to indicate. Here I must stand.」

- Young Earth Creationist Kurt Wise


~ "Creationists are the only group in the world that can be wrong on ALL accounts of ALL problems in virtually ALL areas they touch pretty much ALL over the planet ALL the time. They are in fact the only proof against evolution."

    ~ Random irrelevant smart guy met on the street.


  • The "just look around you" argument:
This argument is articulated as follows: Look around at the trees and other wonderful-looking organisms. How could living things of such great complexity come from? Even modern technology cannot recreate such wonderful diversity of life! The false theory Evolution states that everything evolved by random mutation over many millions of years, which is way too long for a six thousand and ten year-old universe and is obviously not true. Therefore, God exists and God made it all. Bible says it, you believe it, and that's that. Also, it must have been my God, and not whatever crap pagan idol you worship, because clearly, only my real god could have created it. What? No, an all-powerful God could not have made the world using evolution, it'd be so borring, he'd get tired of waiting! Besides, the Bible interpretation I was imagining is way cooler. So I know it happened in 7 days.

(Note: This argument doesn't work if the opposing person is in the Netherlands, because that's, after all, made by the Dutch.)

There it is, you dopes!
  • The Bible (Wholly Babbleus), and perhaps the Qu'ran as well:
The strongest, most powerful argument that Creationists use against Evolutionists, leaving the latter speechless: God clearly says in the Holy Bible that he CREATED the world. In fact (and everything in the Bible is a fact, I just know it) it clearly states it twice, with things happening differently each time (Gen 1 & 2)... and since everything in it is absolutely and totally true this means that both versions happened, simultaneously. Do not argue, remove the Unholy Faith Blindfold that Satan has given you and embrace the wonderful idea of unsupported belief Faith. The Bible is the Word of God, and thus using logic it is impossible for Science to contradict what the Book of Genesis said about how the world originated! Therefore Creation Science is the true Scientific theory. Also, a human woman's body is composed of a material evolved (Note: It is Micro-evolution NOT Macro-evolution) from an early man's rib bone.
  • The No way did I come from a dirty stinkin' monkey argument (eeeeewwwus ickyus):
Monkeys are literally dirty stinking apes that throw feces at each other and have totally immoral sexual relations with their neighbor's wives that are an affront to traditional Christian values. They also have poor hygiene and never go to church, and Scientists have found out that some of them engage in homosexual acts too. The religion of evolution says that we have a common ancestor with these horrible smelly apes. That clearly isn't true - because we find the idea absolutely disgusting. If we find the idea disgusting, we cannot have come from monkeys, therefore evolution is wrong, therefore God created us out of clay and fairy dust. Amen Q.E.D..
  • I don't understand evolution, therefore it's wrong:
'Everything coming from nothing! It's lightening striking a mud puddle! I've been randomly mutated! Huh? The messed up version of evolution fed to me by Creationist propaganda, makes no sense to me! GOD MUST BE REAL!!!' When a creationist is faced with a challenging situation, their immediate instinct is to shout 'Gawd did it!'. This instinct is NOT an example of new information. It was caused when the DNA responsible for installing the ability to think critically was altered by God, because we all know stuff NEVER changes by itself. Ah change, what a ridiculous notion!
This is how God's evolution really works
  • The What About The Fall argument:
It totally doesn't make sense for us to have, like, fallen if there was evolution. After all, we just have wars, genocide, sickness, cruelty and all that stuff--you'd have to be an idiot to think that any of that matters if evolution is real. It only counts in Creationism and stuff. It wouldn't be bad without it. Remember, Adam and Eve did eat the fruit that allowed humanity to know good and evil (And thus reason severely undermined faith), so it has to be true that we descended from ONE HUMAN COUPLE created by God.
  • The Where is the Missing Link argument (missingno linkii):
If birds came from dinosaurs and cats from dogs and LSD from mushrooms, why don't we see any fossils of dinosaurs with half developed wings, or meowing dogs, or mushrooms metamorphosing into tabs of acid, huh? Since there are only several hundred thousand links in the fossil record, all evolution theory must be a load of crap, which means literal creationism must be the absolute truth. Creationism demands complete evidence in order for any alternative theories to be true. Don't you know that to solve a murder case, one requires a witness to take down a video footage of the entire event in clear, high definition format, as well as the admissions of several other witnesses witnessing the witness taking the video without altering it? Don't state "Because not everything forms a fossil" like the secular atheist you are.
  • The "Law of Entropy" Argument (Legus entropidius)
The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that shit gets shittier as time progresses. However, evolution postulates that shit starts off shitty and then gets less and less shitty. For this to happen, there would have to be some kind of giant ball of flaming gas supplying the earth with warmth and an imaginary phenomenon we'll call "flaming gas"-light, and this is just ridiculous.
  • The "Bad Radiometric Dating" Argument (Strawmaniac argumentis)
The oldest tree on earth is only a few thousand years old. This hands down proves creationism, because there should be older trees if Evolution is true about the age of the Earth being billions of years old. As for those fossils which are supposedly millions of years old, the Evolutionists are wrong. Therefore it is a fact that 99% of scientists are wrong - Their radiometric dating methods are wrong and vastly inaccurate. Fact is that Man and Dinosaurs walked together before! Fact is that Dinosaurs are too big to get into Noah's Ark that's why they perished. Now, DO NOT QUESTION God why he did not command Noah to build a bigger one.
  • The "Jesus Loves You" Argument (Liikus Dudio)
I know you're all educated people and you know way more about my religion than me, but I read the Bible and nothing you ever say can convince me to believe your crazy theories about not needing any supernatural events for our origins. I can, like, feel God in my heart and you can too, so shut up. Just give your heart to Jesus and he'll save you from eternal fire and shit. Yeah. But don't take my word for it. The Young Earth Creationist, Kurt Wise, says the same thing too, as seen above.


  • The "Banana-Rectum" Argument (Bananus anus)
The banana is atheist's worst nightmare, its ease of use, nutritional value and colour-coding means it is just right for primates humans to eat and put in your hiney. The banana is shaped correctly, and has a protective outer sheath to ensure firmness easy insertion. Obviously the banana is intelligently designed.

Scientific Basis of Creationism[編輯]

Sinfest-NoToKnowledge.gif

Although on the surface Creationism may promote itself as an alternative explanation of origins, challenging the established fact of Evolutionism, the underlying myth of Creationism, in fact, lies not in the need to oppose the entire modern world, as such, but in the fact that Evolutionary Religion is the cause of all modern evils, including abortion, kitten huffing, contraception, fascism, communism, homosexuality, beastiality, masturbation, fetishism, oral sex, anal sex, aural sex, sex, bad gas, global warming, global whining, taxes, nasal sex, sexual fantasies, penis enlargement, rape, disease, politics, explosions, death, pestilence, children, science, Wikipedia, famine, The Fratellis, lawsuits,Linkin Park, civil rights, niggers, pot, public education, America, welfare, enviro-nazis, child welfare, tariffs, ethics reform, medicare, medicaid, dissenters, immigrants, social security, war, Watergate, Uncyclopedia, taxes, metrosexuality, hurricanes, blizzards, tornadoes, Carrot Top, floods, terrorism, camel toe and tooth decay. In other words, the ultimate proof that Creationism is true lies not in the cumbersome and irrelevant need to follow the methods of scientific inquiry, but the plainly observable fact that the Theory of Evolution, by fervently and humbly believing that humans come from lowly apes (instead of holy dust and dirt) and are thus not some deity's prized creation, which therefore makes everything atheistic and insiduously relativistic, is the direct cause of the modern day prevalence of all that stuff listed above. All of which are not nice and scientifically condemned by God. Which makes mythical creationism, which nobly speaks against these evils, of necessity a true and worthy science.

The REAL Table, As if we didn't know the old one was a fake the whole time...Just foolin'!

Remember, of course, that murder and mayhem in the modern world are the fault of secular humanism and its red-headed stepchild, evolution. Murder and mayhem in the old world are in no way the fault of the Bible, as it's clearly against those things. Except when it's for them (i.e The Crusades)... but those don't count when God says it's okay. Don't believe it? Read about God and friends' various acts of genocide and rape in the Old Testament.

Microevolution/Macroevolution[編輯]

Darwinists don't want you to know that natural selection has selected creationism, naturally

Look, everybody knows that evolution happens, whatever it is. It's just on a really, really tiny unthreatening scale that never amounts to anything. I mean, for thousands of years, mammals have been interbreeding, but what has ever "evolved" from mammals: just more mammals! Ok, maybe fruit flies have speciated, but the new species still look like they were descended from fruit flies and not gerbils, so there.

When a parrot gives birth to an otter, then evolution may be true. Maybe. Probably not. Okay, no, not even then. Unless it matches up exactly with wholly reliable Scripture, then it's wrong.


Scientific Evidence for Creation[編輯]

主條目:Nothing

Evolutionists have often claimed that there is a resemblance between other creatures and humans, such as bilateral symmetry, which proves evolution. If however a human stands with legs apart and arms outstretched, with the head erect, there is also a five sided symmetry apparent. This could lead to the conclusion that humans were actually designed on the same pattern as echinoderms, the group which includes the sea stars and, more importantly the sea cucumbers. The evidence for this is clear when one considers the five-toothed sea cucumber, Actinopygia agassizi. This animal has five teeth arranged in a circle, but instead of being at the mouth end they are placed in the anus, where food is chewed. It also breathes through its anus, and if threatened it will expel its innards though the anus. Furthermore there is a symbiotic species known as the pearlfish, Carapus bermudensis, which lives in the anus, periodically exiting and retreating. It is obvious to even the most amateur investigator that the entire existence of the five-toothed sea cucumber revolves around it being an asshole, which perfectly describes a creationist.

List of Truths in the Theory of Creationism[編輯]

  • We are human
  • Monkeys arent human
  • Therefore, Evolution is wrong

Creationism Trivia[編輯]

  • Creationists have an amazing ability to continue an argument with no real evidence and knowledge. After all, who needs evidence or knowledge, both are of the Devil and must be avoided.
  • Creationists know Ice Cream is a lifeform and frequently use it to prove that Evolution isn't real.
  • 100% of all female creationists are believed to be made entirely of rib bones.
  • Apparently, penguins used to live within walking distance of Noah's house.
  • Your average Creationist would rather throw themselves into the pit of Hell, than look up 'evolution' in dictionary, let alone learn something about the subject.
  • Many so called "Evolutionists" (read Scientists) believe that creationists refuse to accept the unproven (ignoring all the proof thats not sanctioned by the bible of course) theory of evolution, because it appears to not apply to them. Many display behavioral and physical characteristics similar to less evolved hominids. Such as lower intelligence, thicker skulls and sunken eye sockets. This however is clearly untrue as by scientifically adding all the ages in the bible we can clearly see that evolution doesn't occur therefore one human cannot be more or less evolved than another. QED
  • It is still to explain, how from the intelligent and wise Homo sapiens, instead of further evolution, a regression occurred, which has produced the creationists.
  • The Church of Latter Day Paint rejects Creationism as overly scientific arguing that God was not required to actively create anything because He just needs to think about stuff and it happens, man.
  • Kangaroos originated in the Middle East.
  • Geology is another science filled with lies
  • People used to ride dinosaurs, back when there were dinosaurs about a thousand years ago.
  • On the eighth day God created the source of all knowledge, Uncyclopedia.

See also[編輯]

External Links[編輯]